A Soliloquy to Denounce the Pig-Skin
By Austin T. Murphy
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| I have no idea who created this, but it isn't mine.
There are a few practices in the yearly life of an American that are assumed to be mandatory. We are all expected to celebrate some sort of religious holiday during the month of December. We are all expected to love Budweiser (despite the fact that it tastes like a Texan's piss). We are all expected to choose a career by the age of 22 and work 30-to-40 years in an effort to raise a family and conceive children who will continue striving for the "American Dream."
And we are all expected to watch the Super Bowl.
I will admit, for the umpteenth time, that I am not omniscient. I am not perfect. I am woefully uncultured. But in my (near) 26 years, I have formed bonds with folks from all over the United States AND from all over the world: Japan, Sweden, New Zealand, Australia, France, Austria, Ireland, Britain, Ohio, Maryland, New York, Colorado, Washington, Indiana, Tennessee, etc. These people have opened my eyes to the bigger picture, and they have helped me come to the conclusion that the United States is no longer guaranteed to be the country I want to spend the rest of my life inhabiting. There are very serious problems within this nation.
Above all the subordinate cultural identities that make one an American, it really isn't hard to see that there is a disease plaguing our (once) great nation. There is a man living in the White House right now who doesn't deserve to be there. There are people running this country that shouldn't be trusted to run a grocery store. And there are pathetic ideals being propagated from sea to festering sea that are ruining our people one gullible mind at a time.
Understand that I am not purporting any sort of nonsense along the lines of "We should derive our morality and forge our character in accordance or from professional athletes and sports leagues." But we've really reached a point where a semblance of correlation is undeniable. Our posterity is a generation of children who worship athletes and musicians and TV stars. How can we expect them to save the future if we won't show them the true America?
The National Football League is lost. Led by a spineless cretin in Roger Goodell, the league -- despite enduring for decades as a beacon of the American spirit -- is crumbling away as its integrity and ideals lay beaten and bloody in our rearview mirrors. This isn't anything new either, but rather a trend nearly two decades in the making.
One might say that the league peaked in the '80s and '90s. Joe Montana was the epitome of the modern American hero: a good-looking quarterback with a golden arm who won championships while playing for the NFL franchise named in honor of Manifest Destiny. It doesn't get any more American than Joe Cool.
The '90s were a golden decade too (or rather, silver?), as the Dallas Cowboys won three more Super Bowls. Cowboys! Texas! The heart of America and the Wild West embodied, the league could do no wrong.
But then 9/11 happened.
I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but do you really think it's just weird coincidence that the first NFL championship after the towers fell was won by a team named the Patriots? Is it just weird coincidence that the prevailing dynasty ever since has worn the colors red, white, and blue and is led by a pretty boy who shares a name with a certain Mark Twain character? I suppose it's a good thing we didn't see the Vikings or Redskins emerge as contenders or else our uniquely American identity might have been tainted entirely.
The New England Patriots. New. Not England. New England. Not those sassy Tories on the other side of the Atlantic. We're here, American. We're rich, powerful, and by god are we good-looking.
I've read the argument somewhere online that we should stop bleating about Spygate, that the Patriots weren't the only team cheating by videotaping their opponents illegally. That's a fair point, and you're totally welcome to believe that. Just know that if you feel like that's the right attitude to adopt any sort of criminal activity I'm going to have to echo your mother and 3rd grade teacher in that "Just because everyone is doing it, that doesn't make it right."
If we really pride ourselves as Americans as being the best of the best, and for sure better than them over there, then you'd think we'd have the mental capacity to understand that accepting criminality as being natural and a bedrock of our culture is fucking pathetic.
And you know the worst part of modern American culture? The Outrage Epidemic, especially with how prevalent it has become in the last 5-to-10 years. "Woah, so-and-so said something-or-other mean/rude/crass to so-and-so and it bothered you? Well mark my words we'll catch that fucker and make him pay! And then next week we'll find something else to be butthurt about! And the next week! And the week after that!"
There is no integrity. It's exposure through social media with no filter or verification, and instead of checking our facts before we click "Submit," we put every skewed take out in the open and sort out the facts after. That's about as logically sound as trying to climb into your jeans by pulling leg over your head.
But I'm supposed to just forget about Spygate because, "they did their time."
Ha. My fucking ass. Was their championship vacated? Did the repercussions prevent them from contending for a significant period of time? USC did their time. The Minnesota TimberWolves did their time. The Patriots cheated and laughed about it afterwards, fat and happy sitting pretty at the top of the league (and don't forget that Goodell's brilliant mind decided that destroying the evidence was a rational course of action. Nice).
Well we fans were given a modicum of relief in the way of the New York Giants. Two straight upset Super Bowl wins and you'd think everything was set right, and then 2015 happened. I'll admit, I have to hand it to the Patriots, because all five of their titles were a result of team success. Note the word "team." Terrific Tom's championship record would be rather spotty at .500 had Malcolm Butler not saved his ass. But in 2015 Pete Carroll had a stroke on the sideline and was still able to call a passing play, and Russell Wilson basically handed New England their first championship since 2005. The Big Bad Wolf was back.
And not only were they back, but they were still the epitome of cheating and corruption in the NFL. Deflategate was uncovered, and Terrific Tom was suspended for four games. Four. Whole. Games.
As the coming seasons would play out, Brady's suspension was vacated in federal court, and when he finally served his suspension in 2016 it was really just a formality before the franchise clinched yet another championship (in stomach-turning fashion) that would earn Tom the title of Greatest of All-Time.
*Jerry Rice begs to differ, but modern American culture requires us to forget history in favor of the present.*
Picture a young adult striving to make a name for himself in the early 21st century. This optimistic young man makes mistakes just like anyone else, and he pays the price for fucking up dearly in some situations. He faces setbacks, but that unquenchable spirit helps him to keep moving ceaselessly forward.
As he grows he learns that the world is a much colder place than originally envisioned. There are bright spots, no doubt, but it is far more difficult to maintain that optimism when you see people for who they really are, when you see your nation for what it really is. And he still churns forward.
But then he sees the hypocrisy inherent in the system. He sees a brave, martyred hero blacklisted by a league that butchered its handling of suspensions and bans in the last decade -- Adrian Peterson...Ray Rice...Josh Gordon -- and he finds it within himself to understand the hero's message. He finds it within himself to consider an alternative perspective to his own, and he chooses to support a nonviolent protest as American as Ford fucking Motor Company.
This martyr lost his profession, but elsewhere in the States you can find Tom Brady and Bill Belichick continuing to reach and win Super Bowls because they're white and rich and powerful. You can find Tim Tebow continuing his dream of making it last in a professional sports league despite lacking the proper talent. Note that I'm not condemning Tim, I'm just pointing out that he wouldn't be getting so many opportunities if he wasn't white, charismatic as hell, and a loyal servant of "Jesus Christ."
What are we if not slightly smarter monkeys wandering around this rock, wiping our butts and talking out of our asses. Jerry Jones is really that guy that we should all be dying to work for. Ungrateful "sons of bitches," am I right?
Well to be honest, nothing is going to come of this rant, it just pains me to watch the American spirit trampled through the mud and obliterated in favor of a regime that promotes xenophobia, arrogance, narrow-mindedness, corruption, and deceit. Sometimes I need a chance to vent and a place to remind the outside world that #45 has been supported by guys like Tom and Bill. But it should come as no surprise that individuals as morally flexible as those two would prefer having a fellow cheater in the White House than...shudder...a woman.
Regardless of whether you consider yourself to be a citizen of America or a citizen of the world, you should be cognizant of the declining standards to which our nation and its leaders hold themselves. I can only hope that the dawn is coming, because I'd hate to have to boycott the Super Bowl in perpetuity just to prove a point.
But Super Bowl LII is just two weeks away, and if I'm going to stand for anything it has to be morality, truth, and justice. I will not support or condone corruption; I will not be watching the 2018 Super Bowl. Should you? That's not for me to decide. What do you stand for?
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